A good wife can bring balance to your life!

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Relax!

Relax my friend; it will be a weekend before you know it!

‘N NUWE AFRIKAANSE WOORD

Nuwe Afrikaanse woorde Vingergeaktiveerdegasaangedrewetabakrolletjieontbrandingstoestelletjie ‘n lighter. Boosdoos Die Engelse noem dit die dogbox. Rimpelkring As iemand regtig ‘n @rshole is kan jy hulle ‘n rimpelkring noem. Knaterflater Soos die Engelse sal se is dit ‘n balls-up Bekotsenswaardig As iets regtig sleg is. Wolfdrol ‘n Lekker woord vir ‘n patat. Melk-en-koekie-doekie ‘n Bikini .. Kombikraal ‘n Ander woord vir ‘n taxirank Flaterwater ‘n Mooi Afrikaanse woord vir Tippex. Plooipleister ‘n Minder mooi woord vir ‘makeup’. Strikkie griep HIV/VIGS. Gemoedsbekakking Dit is as jy depressief is. Hoerberoerte Dit kry ‘n mens as jy verby jou skarnier kwaad is.. Bergieparfuum Brandewyn. Koerhoere Back-up sangers. Ponkerlong ‘n Ander woord vir liefdemaak. Doefpoef ‘n Plaas toilet of longdrop Troosdoos ‘n Blow up doll.

Prohibition Sign

If you were around in 1919 (just before prohibition started) and came upon the following poster…

I mean seriously, Would you quit drinking?

Only South African Signs Can Be This Funny…

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Spanking children

Spanking children!

Most of America’s populace think it improper to spank children.
The other day I was talking to one of my younger buddies about methods used to discipline children.

We talked about ‘time outs’, grounding, holding back ‘rewards’ until the child displayed desired behavior etc. One of the things we discussed was the act of spanking and my friend explained that no, he does not spank any of his children.

He explained that what he does is to take the misbehaving child out for a ride in the car and talk. He said that usually this works and that the
child calms down fairly quickly and really doesn’t take too much time.

By removing the child, in this case his son, from the immediate situation and providing a change of scenery, the child is allowed to focus on something different. Once the child has the opportunity to change

perspective, things get better quickly and the child has better understanding of his place within the family and begins to understand the families concept of acceptable behavior.

He kindly shared a picture of the process which I share with you now.

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THE PERFECT HUSBAND

Fw: THE PERFECT HUSBAND

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello?”

WOMAN: “Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes.”

WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only R1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “R390,000.”

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking R2,950,000 for it.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of R2,800,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra R150,000 if it’s really a pretty good price.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”

MAN: “Bye! I love you too, darling.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He turns and asks, “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

Wow@@@@@Wow

The International Council of Man Laws

The International Council of Man Laws, Ltd. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: When a heroic dog dies to save its master. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. After wrecking your boss’s car. When she is using her teeth. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach … and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked. Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: Yeah, Baby, Push it! C’mon, give me one more! Harder! Another set and we can hit the showers! Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever. We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below: “GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying off somewhere?” “BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next!” I hope this clears up any confusion; Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.

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